When John Lennon was a young boy, his teacher asked the class to write down what they wanted to be when they grew up. Some kids said they wanted to be doctors, actors, nurses and teachers. John Lennon wrote, he wanted to be happy. When the teacher came across his answer, she said, John, “I think you misunderstood the assignment.” John responded, “I think you misunderstand life.”
Today we have more of everything than we have ever had before: more, choices; freedom; opportunities; education; more spending power; more TV’ channels; more ways of drinking a cup of coffee. The interesting thing is, that our happiness levels have not increased as a result of having more. In our striving and struggle to acquire more things, many of us have lost our true selves. So what are some things that might be blocking our happiness in our busy lives?
Here are some blocks to happiness, based on the teachings of Robert Holden, PhD. “The Happiness Project”
#1 The Pursuit of Happiness – When you are chasing happiness it becomes something outside of you like a needle in a haystack. You become so wrapped up in chasing happiness that you never really grasp it. We are living quicker than we have ever lived before. We tell ourselves we will be happy when… The longer we pursue happiness the longer the pursuit takes. In doing so, we forget how to enjoy our lives in the present moment. Children, no matter what they are going through, will choose happiness all the time. They focus on the now and not yesterday or tomorrow, and kids will find pleasure in the most mundane things. Perhaps we need to remember how this felt and choose to be happy now.
#2 Mind-Wandering. We will be happy once we find our purpose in life. Instead of living our purpose now, we’re off chasing the pot of gold and not seeing the rainbow right in front of us. When we are chasing purpose it evades us. Looking for happiness instead of living our joy. Looking for love instead of being a loving person. We put our lives on hold because we’re trying to find our happiness and purpose somewhere in the future. We’re not really living our life, we’re somewhere else. We understand that we should be living our life in the now. It’s just not the “now” now that we want. Our now is somewhere down the road. All of this adds up to something missing in our life. What is missing is YOU. You will never be happy until you stop the pursuit and get into your life.
#3 Positive thinking can mask our feelings of unhappiness. It can be your greatest strength. But, because you’re so positive, you are probably the last person to know you’re unhappy. Getting honest with your unhappiness is one of your greatest learning experiences. Meeting your sadness can help you make positive changes that need to happen. It can be a gift, even if it seems unpleasant at the time. “Happiness is the capacity to meet your sadness and handle it in a positive way.”
One of the greatest ways to find happiness is knowing what causes us to be unhappy. At first glance most of the causes of unhappiness are outside of us. They are in the circumstances, the events or our relationships. On closer inspection we find that we are playing a part in these situations. That is what we are going to look at now. How are we limiting our own happiness? Examples: (chronic busyness, focusing on what I could have done, playing the martyr, self-neglect, holding grudges)
Fill in the Blank Exercise: Do this NOW! Get a pen and paper and complete the following sentence 5 times. “One way I’m limiting my happiness is___________.”
You now have a list, a personal inventory of how you see yourself limiting your happiness. Take that list and see what’s not working for you. Then take an action to change something. You can do this with a friend or family member. Sharing your list actually helps you release things on it more readily. Knowing what doesn’t make you happy enables you to see more clearly what does make you happy. That is a good place to start.
Michelle “Mickie” Ball Massage Therapist and Gokhale Method® Teacher – Ph: 0428 223 271 or firstname.lastname@example.org